First, why don’t you tell me what exactly qualifies as a Bloody Mary “problem”

One of my New Years resolutions for 2k9 was to really hone my Bloody Mary making skills according to my own personal preferences. Hands down, it’s my favorite alcoholic drink, but sometimes when I order one at brunch restaurants, I’m brought a lil glass mug of watered-down, horseradish-y shrimp cocktail sauce, which is the opposite of hearty, which is the opposite of good.

In my book, a high quality Bloody Mary should include:

• A lotta black pepper. Wanna end up chewing it if I’m not persistent about stirring.
  
• As much hot sauce as I can capably handle. Let’s say “medium-spicy.” I’m no wuss, but I also am not looking to burn holes in my tongue/stomach. Wanna go “woooo” but not die.
  
• How about some mini pickles and/or green olives, right?
  
• A big ol pint glass. Anything smaller, and you better be leaving out ice cubes/not charging me money.

Now, I don’t wanna “toot my own horn” or “admit how many Bloody Marys I drank alone in my apartment this year,” but let’s just say my skills are officially HONED.

According to me, anyway. I haven’t yet showcased this sharpened talent for others, so I suppose the declaration’s not very objective.

But, whatever— listen. When you’re home alone on a Thursday night, sloppily sloshed & sobbing to Jeff Buckley live “Hallelujah” videos, I think it’s pretty safe to declare a New Year’s resolution accomplished. You know, hypothetically.



P.S. FYI, my “house secret” to deliciousness is a small splash of dill pickle juice in place of horseradish. Plus, sooo much black pepper. YUM.