Dear Diary, Tonight my parents took me to the Olive Garden

Dear Diary,

Tonight was my last night in Massachusetts for the holidays, so Mom & Dad took me to the m’f’ing OLIVE GARDEN. Oh yup. Booyah.

Dinner didn’t exactly start out awesome, though. Me & Dad got in a “lil tiff” about the Gorgonzola Steak Fettuccini. Dad was like “You’re not ordering a 16 dollar entree.” But it looked so good in the picture! “See how good it looks in the picture though DAD?” I said, and he was all, “Go ahead and order it, then. And after you can pay me the extra $5.” I was like, “No way, Dad,” so he goes, “Alright pick something more reasonable then,” and I was like, FINE.

I ordered the seafood alfredo instead. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, however, I knew for a fact I might never be happy again. Scallops are OK, but I barely even like shrimp. Uggghhh godddd PARENTS.

Over a split breadstick, Mom remarked that the guy at the next table looked like Ashton Kutcher. I was like, “How do you even know who Ashton Kutcher is?” Probably from that camera commercial I bet. Anyway, guy had a foreign accent, and Mom & Dad were all, “What accent is that? What accent is that?” And I was like, “Godddd you guys, who cares,” and they were both like, “We were just WONDERING.”

At one point Dad ordered more breadsticks, but the waitress never brought them. She was OK I guess. Not much personality. Could’ve been more cheerful. When she came by later, Dad was like, “Please bring us some breadsticks. I already asked you once before.” Oh maaan, I thought— Dad was SO RUDE just now! I looked at Mom, and she was like, “We’ll talk about that in the car ride home.” Ohhhh, Dad got in trouble kind of!

The best part of our meal was the complimentary Andes mints. F’ing love those things. Could’ve gone for a neverending Andes mint bowl instead of the stupid seafood alfredo. On the way out, Dad was like “Do they have Olive Gardens in New York City?” And I was like, Yup but I’d never go to one. And Mom was like, “Why not? You love the Olive Garden!” “Yeah, HERE,” I said. Augghhh goddamnit, my parents don’t get me AT ALL.

Love,
Sarah