What kind of pet should I get?

80% of the time I’m so satisfied with my decision to move into a studio. I don’t get crabby anymore about people using my shampoo, and lately my Q-Tip/Spoon/Beck dance parties get all kinds of out of hand.

20% of the time, though, I miss having another creature around (specifically Joanna). Even when she was too busy thesis-writing to listen to my hopes/dreams/feelings, it was cool just having another person breathing nearby, you know?

Do NOT want a new roomie though. Which is why I’m considering the next best thing— a pet! Really important requirements, though: said creature must be totally low-commitment (I’m self-absorbed) and real cheap to care for (I’m poor). These’re what I figure my options are:


When I was 18, I declared the seahorse my favorite animal— which means I’ve got all kinds of seahorse paraphernalia at my place. But no live ones!! Maybe I should celebrate my 10-year mark of seahorse-loving by adopting a couple? These guys mate for life, you know. That could be pretty darling to peep on.

Only thing is, I hear seahorses die pretty easy if you’re not exact about salt water levels. Can’t really handle BFF’s dying right now. I think I need more resilience from a pet.


Hey dogs are resilient! Loyal & protective, too. And everytime I came home, my dog would be SO HAPPY TO SEE ME. Awesome.

I think I’d make a pretty negligent dog owner, though. I’m not home enough & don’t really want to be. Plus, dogs need you to wake up at like 5am to take them outside, and I’m not willing to sacrifice beauty sleep right now.


A baby would be relatively easy & inexpensive to acquire, since I hear my stomach doubles as a baby manufacturing plant. (So freaky.) And with my genetics, this adorable lil guy would be crazy-smart & learn self-sufficiency quicker than most other babies. Pretty sure of this.

Unfortunately, I’m not inclined to change diapers and/or give up drinking at the moment. There’s the dealbreaker on the baby front.


A kitty might be a solid option for me. I appreciate how independent-minded these snuggly lil cutie-pies tend to be. Plus they’re about as self-sufficient as it gets, right?

Kind of hate litter boxes, though. My apartment’s big, but still a studio no matter how you slice it, and I’m definitely not cool with my place smelling like litter box. I know they make roofs for them now, little spaceships or whatever, but still. I’ll have to think about this some more.



Oh hey, what about those little turtles they sell in Chinatown for like 3 dollars? They swim around all cute in a clear plastic carry-box, and you can hold them in your hand & watch them retract into their shells when they get scared, etc? So cute!

Not too snuggly, though, these guys. And I admittedly don’t know anything about them. What do mini-turtles eat? What’s their life span? Can I tell if it’s a boy or girl, or do I just give it a gender-neutral name like Jamie or Pat? Will a turtle ever love me? Do I gotta get it vaccinated against Chinese turtle disease?


Advice?