Awkward Times with Dan #2: “Cry near me, and I’ll leave the room”

Editor’s Note: In the previous “Awkward Times” installment, our hero’s lack of social grace left him isolated from his classmates. Today the same thing happens, only in a different way for new reasons. Enjoy a laugh at Dan’s expense below.


So, more awkwardness at Monday’s 8am class. This time I show up a few minutes late and only my professor is there. Greaaat. After a few minutes of awkward conversation, someone else shows up and things get slightly less awkward, but only for a moment.

The girl starts talking about how she is overwhelmed with school work. She seems like she is about to cry, but she doesn’t (good job, way to be strong, kid— don’t never let ‘em see you cry). It’s now 8:15, and only 3 of 6 kids are there, so our professor decides to give it 10 more minutes before starting. In the meantime, he leaves to make some copies, and I decide to go get some coffee.

But just as I’m about to leave, the girl who looked like she was about to cry, actually started to cry.

Now, I hate when people cry in front of me. I have no idea how to console them, especially when I barely know them. So I looked at the other kid in the class with an expression like “What the hell are we supposed to do??” and he looks back at me with an expression like, “I dont know what the hell we are supposed to do!” So I decided to leave him to deal with it.

Was this bad? I mean, she probably wanted to be alone anyway. But more importantly— it was 8:15 in the morning on a Monday; I was still hungover from my shitshow of a Saturday night**; and I was pissed because I forgot to get gas over the weekend and had to wait in line that morning. I definitely didn’t need to deal with some crying girl.

See, I have this philosophy on life: When you are faced with something you don’t want to deal with, walk away and ignore it for as long as you can. Sometimes the problem goes away all on its own.

In this case, my philosophy worked. When I got back to the classroom, she wasn’t crying anymore and we pretended it never happened. Problem solved.

So, fair warning to anyone thinking about crying in front of me— don’t. I will not console you; I will not make you feel better; I will probably leave the room and not come back until you are done crying. It’s not that I am cold-hearted or don’t want to make you to feel better. I just don’t know how.



** You may be asking, “How can you still be hungover on Monday from drinking on Saturday?” This is how. I had a few people over, and I decided it was a good idea to start drinking around 4ish. I started classy, with a couple of glasses of wine. Around 9 or 10pm is when I blacked out, and around 5 or 6am is when I went to bed. So there is a solid portion of the night I really don’t remember. So far I have heard I was slow dancing and wearing pizza as a hat. If anyone has any other information about my activities on the night in question, please let me know. I really need to evaluate my life and where it is heading.


Previous Awkward Times with Dan:
— Awkward Times with Dan — Back to School edition