Next-Door Neighbor stories at SMITH Mag (and from my old blog)

“No matter how close or how far, we all live next to someone, and we all have a Next-Door Neighbor story,” says Dean Haspiel, editor of the Next-Door Neighbor series at SMITH Magazine. With that in mind, Haspiel asked favorite storytellers and cartoonists to collaborate on a series of true neighbor tales.

The first wave of stories launched April 1, with LES urban daymare “Next-Door Neighborless” written by novelist Jonathan Ames and illustrated by Nick Bertozzi. The sixth installment went live this week — Halloween Ago by Lasko Gross, author and illustrator of Escape from “Special” from Fantographics and the upcoming A Mess Of Everything.

And through September 1, the reading public can enter the “What’s Your NDN Story?” contest for a chance to have an artist transform your true story into a comic, too. Visit the Next-Door Neighbor webcomix site to view current installments & find out more.

And while we’re on the topic, I’ll share my favorite next-door neighbor story — entitled LOVE IS VERY MAGICAL — posted one year ago on my old Myspace blog (the precursor to this site). This is good, get ready.

Once upon a time there lived a girl named Sarah who had groceries scheduled to be delivered between 9 & 10:30 PM but she was running late getting home because the trains weren’t running correctly! It was almost 9:00 already when our hero had to run like 4 frickin avenue blocks from her usual transfer stop to another Brooklyn-bound train! She called Fresh Direct to request they delay the delivery, but dude on the phone didn’t sound too confident.

“I can put a request in, but they might not receive it,” goes dude on the phone.

“Okay,” goes Sarah, wondering what is the point of the request then.

“Why don’t you call us back when you get to your apartment?” goes dude on the phone.

“Okay,” goes Sarah.

So a half hour later, I (I’m done referring to myself in third person) get back to my apartment and call Fresh Direct, and they’re all, “Your delivery has already been made.” But oh shit where are my groceries then???

“We left them with your neighbor across the hall,” goes customer service dude.

And— oh boy, are you ready? This is where the story gets really good, because neighbor across the hall is the cutest most hottest neighbor EVER. I don’t know how else to explain except for this?



So I ring the doorbell, and I’m lookin all gooooood with my sweet summertime taaaan, and the door opens, and there he is, hot neighbor! We’re in a situation where we are supposed to talk to each other! And guess what, his voice is all f’ing foxy, and he’s even hotter when you are allowed to stare at him up-close without it being creepy.

Alright so then he brings three heavy boxes of groceries into my living room (where I LIVE) and is all, “Hold on I have your frozen stuff in my freezer.”



OMG MY FROZEN FOOD WAS TOTALLY IN HOT NEIGHBOR’S FREEZER!!! and he was so nice to do that for me! I told him that! I said, “You are so nice to do this for me!” And then I said, “Anytime you need someone to babysit YOUR food, I would be glad to.” And then he laughed the most beautiful laugh in the whole wide world and said, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind!”

HE’S TOTALLY GOING TO KEEP THAT IN MIND. I AM IN HIS MIND NOW.

I almost don’t care that I’ve seen a cute blonde chick leave his apartment a few mornings. This is because I live in a magical land where hot neighbor has a roommate I’ve never seen that’s dating a cute blonde chick. I call this land, “Hot neighbor touched all my food, and is definitely not doing some cute blonde chick, and probably has been waiting his whole life for an opportunity to touch things that belong to me.”

THE END

Update: I’ve moved since then, before our romance ever got the chance to truly blossom. :( :( :( Oh, Hot Ex-Neighbor, are you out there? Over the past year, I sort of forgot you, but you didn’t forget me, right? Do you still live in Park Slope? Or just in my heart???