How to dine at fancy-schmancy restaurants on the CHEAP

Last week my sassiest pal Anna suggested we go out for steak. I was like, “YES.” But we wanted to do it right. No T.G.I. Friday beef kabobs for these chickies. “Let’s fake like it’s an important event in our lives,” we said. “Let’s go somewhere expensive and nice.”

Now comes the part of the story where we realize our hugest obstacle: We’d both stupidly chosen careers in publishing; a.k.a. we are poor. So, we asked ourselves the most logical next question: “Can we meet two reasonably handsome, non-vegetarian sugar daddies within the next week who aren’t looking for any kind of, shall we say, return on investment???”

ANSWER: No. We cannot. So, instead we went to Restaurant.com… a web site that will change your life!

Check this out. You click over there, plug in your zip code, choose what kinda food, and then, whaaaaat— there’s restaurant gift certificates for sale. For half price! There’s some fine print to them— like, must buy 2 entrees, or not redeemable on alcoholic beverages, etc.— but besides that, totally legit.

Awesome, right? But wait, there’s more!

Now you go to RetailMeNot.com, which lists coupon codes for lots of stores online. You click to the promo code page for Restaurant.com. There you find codes to get 50% off of your purchase! (How crazy is this? Can you even believe this is happening?)

So then you buy your lil’ gift certificate, which gets sent to you as a printable e-mail, to be redeemed whenever. Anna and I bought $50 off $100 for the nationally renowned AJ Maxwell’s Steakhouse, where I had the most tender & delicious filet mignon I will ever have in my whole life, I’m almost positive.

I know what you’re thinking— Don’t you seem like a cheesy asshole when you pay with a printed coupon? Eh, maybe. But let’s keep in mind we’re embarking on a full-fledged recession. This is how it’s gonna be for a while— coupons and looking like assholes— or else no filet mignon, you guys.