“Conan O’Brien Touched Me” — Guest blog by Dee!

I’ve never seen my friend Dee more gleeful than last week, when she relayed to me this story of late-night true love realized – an epic tale that is the subject of today’s guest blog! Enjoy.

At age 13, while my pubescent peers dreamt about the New Kids on the Block or that dopey kid from Blossom, my affections were more mature and refined. I only had eyes for Emmy Award-winning television writer and host of NBC’s Late Night with Conan O’Brien.

My crush on Conan began with a PG-13 dream, circa 1995, in which he picked me up from school in a brand new Mazda Miata wearing 18th century garb and a top hat — which made him resemble Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire. Conan then took me to the Summit (a hidden alcove my friends and I swore we’d each lose our virginity while Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer” played). I am not at liberty to disclose what took place after that.

Now — fast-forward 13 years — to me, all grown up, living in NYC, with tickets to Late Night, and my dream of Conan’s touch about to become reality!

Before the taping and after the lame comedian, Conan emerged to interact with the audience. He first approached some dude, gave him a hug and a pair of Max’s drumsticks. Then, he did an about-face, walked right up to me and grabbed my hand!!! Intense dialogue followed — yet, because its true meaning cannot be understood by the common man, I will translate the real connotation in parentheses. See below:

Dreamy Conan O’MyBoyfriend: Hello. (Hello there, my beloved.)
Me: Um, hi. (I love you too, my red-headed boy wonder.)
Conan: world-famous growl/paw motion [self-explanatory]
Me: awkward hand wave (loin quiver)
Conan: I see the ladies are here tonight! (I have waited so very long for you to return to me.)
Me: Blank stare (I am here for the taking. Let us explore our long overdue feelings of passion.)
Conan: She is so not interested. (Why do you tease me with nonchalance? Are you not ready for earth-shattering intercourse?)
Me: Yes, I am! (YES, I AM!!!)
Conan: Well, thanks for coming to the show. (We will begin firecly consumating during commerical breaks.)
Me: Okay. (You know it!)

Then Max played and people were interviewed. Blah blah blah.

To snag your own tickets to the passion-filled Late Night with Conan O’Brien, click to the “About” section of the show’s official page.